Private Thread Shadows of the Heart

Tiptoe through the murk and mire
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Duskpaw emerged from the apprentice’s den with his head low, though not in exhaustion. His paws were slow, deliberate, as though each step weighed more than it should. The hum of camp life had dwindled to murmurs by now, leaving the air cool and still under the rising stars.

He spotted Clovershine almost immediately. Hard not to, with her pale fur standing out like a beacon against the shadowed camp walls. His ears flicked once, a faint sign he’d seen her, but he didn’t change his pace.

When he reached her, he stopped just short of sitting down. His gaze skimmed past her toward the camp entrance, then down at his paws, as if the packed earth held something worth studying. "Do want to talk, or something?" Probably another lecture he wasn't patient enough to hear. Not now. His tail gave a slow, idle sweep behind him.

Even in the darkest shadows, there is always a glimmer of light. We just have to look for it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 🍀 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Clovershine didn't move much aside from a small amount of adjusting herself so her stiff leg was more comfortable beside herself rather than tucked beneath her. When Duskpaw sat, she waved her tail in a soft greeting "I was hoping to." She replied glancing at him with that soft expression she gave to all of her kits.

"I saw you at Redthicket's ceremony," she began, her voice quiet but not empty, there was sympathy and understanding their, her own ceremony had been after her sister's so she could say she knew the feeling in that regard, at least she hoped she would "I want you to explain to me how you feel about it"

She let a pause of silence fill the air around them, making it thick but not heavy "Don't leave out anything, I want to hear how you felt, not what you think I would like to hear"

Tiptoe through the murk and mire
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Duskpaw’s ears twitched at her tone,soft, but too direct to brush off. He didn’t sit right away, just shifted his weight like he was deciding whether it was worth answering at all. When he finally settled beside her, his tail curled neatly around his paws. His gaze stayed on the camp entrance, not on her.

"Just that it felt as though he was leaving us behind." His voice was flat, but there was a subtle tightness beneath it. "I found Whisperingwind. I've been investigating. I've been doing my part."

He glanced at her briefly, then away again. "But when Palestar’s own apprentice is first, it’s hard not to think she is favoring him in some way." His own ceremony would be coming soon, but the fact that Redthicket seemed singled out for something any other cat would have done, it seemed hollow.

Even in the darkest shadows, there is always a glimmer of light. We just have to look for it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 🍀 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"That has been eating you up hasn't it" Clovershine sighed, giving a sympathetic look, she knew how it felt to feel left behind, to feel like you were being pushed to the side in favor of, she looked to the leader's den, someone else. She didn't think Duskpaw would have been the type to feel the same way. "You wouldn't be the only one to feel that way, Duskpaw"

She didn't rush herself to speak, but looked away for a moment, giving the confession a moment to settle before speaking again. "I was with you when you found Whisperingwind, I know how brave you were just dragging her back to camp, for being strong through all of that investigation." she explained "But it isn't every day that a cat does what Redthicket has done" 

"Come Duskpaw, sit with me" She offered, tapping her tail beside her as a sort of summons to move Duskpaw closer to her. "You know how I told you about how I got my leg injury?" she began her voice quiet, heavy, but not dragging "I have something to add to that"

Tiptoe through the murk and mire
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Duskpaw’s ear flicked at her words, but he didn’t look at her right away. He kept his eyes on the camp entrance, jaw working faintly, as if weighing whether her sympathy was just something she said to smooth things over.

"Doesn't really feel like it." He meowed after a moment, voice low. His whiskers twitched in a humorless half smile that faded almost instantly. At her tap of the tail, he hesitated, then finally shifted closer, his pawsteps slow and deliberate. He settled beside her, curling his tail around himself, his gaze finally meeting hers.

"I remember." Recalling her story about the injury. "Didn’t think there was more to it, though. What happened?"

Even in the darkest shadows, there is always a glimmer of light. We just have to look for it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 🍀 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Clovershine curled her tail around Duskpaw when he sat closer, not in a comforting or sympathetic gesture, but something more… maternal? Regardless, she waited until he was more settled before even thinking of speaking again, before pouring out the rest of her story to her adopted son.

"I was stuck in the medicine den for much longer than I ever wanted, it stunted my training while Palestar continue to train and finish her warrior ceremony before I could even catch up" she began, her voice heavy but no hollow. "It took me two extra moons to be ready to graduate and I was three moons behind Palestar, my own littermate. In that time, I felt like I was being dragged in the mud while my sister was pushed towards greatness. I felt like a shadow standing behind her"

Clovershine held firm, firm enough that anything she said  felt like it was true, especially if it was. "Duskpaw, our situations aren’t the same, but I know how it feels to think you’re being left behind. But you’re not. Dazzlepaw and Redthicket will be there when it’s your turn to step up to Palestar and I will be right there watching the both of you. Cheering you on"

"You’re more than you think you are, Duskpaw"

Tiptoe through the murk and mire
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Duskpaw let out a slow breath as Clovershine’s words sank in, his gaze softening. He didn’t look away this time, he held her eyes, searching them like he was making sure she meant it. "Three moons behind? Bet that made you feel ancient by the time you got your warrior name."

He laughed through his nose. The little joke was weak, but it was enough to lift some of the weight pressing between them. His ears twitched and he let out a quiet chuckle under his breath.

"…I don’t know if I’m ready to believe I’m more than I think." He shrugged his shoulder after a beat, his voice dropping again. "but… I believe you think that. And I guess that’s something."

He could never doubt Clovershine's support, or the certainty of his clan, but he couldn't help but see the cracks that held everything together.

Even in the darkest shadows, there is always a glimmer of light. We just have to look for it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 🍀 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Clovershine nodded at Duskpaw's observation a twitch of her whiskers curling the corners of her mouth up with a nostalgic sort of sentiment. "Being in one place for so long drove me up the wall, I couldn't go on walks, could hardly see Palestar become Palestrike. For a that section of my life, I tried to find other things to do to keep my mind off of things, sometimes even resorted to counting how many grains of dirt on the ground" she smiled, laughing at her own misfortune like it wasn't the most boring and frustrating time of her life back then "Not that I counted very far."

Duskpaw not seeing the greatness that Clovershine saw in him hurt in a way that she couldn't describe in words, but instead, a sort of lost, withdrawn look in her eyes gave that away for her. "You're doing great Duskpaw, you don't hear that enough from cats that aren't your mentor." she stated "I don't need to compare you to my other kits to know that you are how StarClan wishes for you to be. A great apprentice and a grander warrior"

Using her tail, she ushered him closer, he was bigger now, leaner, his already long body nearly towering over her, slightly smaller than average one. He already looked like a warrior, maybe he didn't really know that. "In less than a moon, all you'll need is your name. Then you'll be as great if not greater than the rest of us"

Tiptoe through the murk and mire
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Duskpaw’s ear flicked at her praise, but instead of shrinking under it, he met her gaze with the same carefully composed look he always wore when he didn’t want someone seeing too far past him. Soft enough to be believable, steady enough to pass for confidence.

"I'm not broken, Clovershine." He said plainly, though there was no edge to his voice. "And I’m not gonna crumble if I don’t end up… greater than the rest of you." His whiskers twitched faintly, and the smallest of smirks pulled at his mouth. 

He stepped into the space her tail had made for him, letting his shoulder brush hers. The contact was brief but deliberate. "If StarClan wanted me to be exactly like everyone else, they wouldn’t have made me me. They know what they're doing."

Even as he said it the mask held. A look of quiet, steady assurance...but underneath, it was the same stubborn resolve that had been there all along.

Even in the darkest shadows, there is always a glimmer of light. We just have to look for it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 🍀 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Clovershine ignored the comment Duskpaw made about not being broken, not entirely, but all that came of it was Clovershine giving the apprentice a knowing look before moving the clean the this webbing between her paws with rasps of her tongue as if everything else around herself and Duskpaw were just gone.

Her ears perked up as he spoke of StarClan "Exactly right. And if StarClan wants your warrior ceremony next moon, that’s when it will be" she stated, embracing him in her striped tail as he spoke "You’ll be a warrior, and you might not forget about Redthicket beating you to it, but it won’t feel as heavy further in your life" she added the muscles under her fur rippling as their shoulders brushed together.

"Be you, Duskpaw, that’s who you’re meant to be" she added, more heavy than how she was speaking before but no less meaningful, perhaps more so. "But anyway," she added was a stark change in tone to something more chipper, of a clanmate looking for conversation "Heronsong, has she taught you anything new or is all this just revision now?"

Tiptoe through the murk and mire
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Duskpaw’s ears tipped back for a fraction of a heartbeat at the mention of Heronsong, but the mask didn’t falter. "Mostly revision. She says it’s to ‘make sure I’ve got the foundations down.’" His whiskers twitched, and he let a dry note creep into his tone despite not revealing that he had recently stuttered on the code itself. "I think she just doesn’t want me to make her look bad when I do get my ceremony."

He glanced at her sidelong, the corner of his mouth ticking upward for a second before smoothing out again at his attempt at a jest. "It’s fine, though. Even if I know it already, I can do it better. And maybe that’s the point."

He shifted his paws, gaze flicking toward the camp entrance like he could already feel the next day’s training pulling at him. "What have you been up to recently?"

Even in the darkest shadows, there is always a glimmer of light. We just have to look for it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 🍀 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Revision is good, it's always good to revise your knowledge before your warrior ceremony. You'll be using it for the rest of your life." She replied, rolling her front paws under the fur of her chest, however shot it was. Clovershine freed a purr from her throat as Duskpaw spoke, soft and content.

Clovershine nodded at his words, nodding along but also keeping eye contact with him, something that said, I'm listening and I hear you. "Not always, you do what you can, what your body allows and that's enough. No cat will ever blame someone for trying and failing but if you push yourself too far you'll end up in the medicine den at worst" she added "Better to do what you can than think about what you can't"

Her ears perked, the questions, somehow, sounded different coming from Duskpaw, but considerate all the same. "Nothing out of the ordinary really, Dazzlepaw is going swimmingly. I'm sure you'll see your ceremony with him." she stated confidently, raising her muzzle proud in the air for both he son and her apprentice. "I was debating giving him a few assignments soon enough, he's doing well enough. What about you Duskpaw?"

Tiptoe through the murk and mire
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Duskpaw’s tail gave a small flick at her confidence, though he didn’t mirror her proud stance. "Hopefully." He said simply, and for once, there was no dryness in his tone. He hadn't worked very closely to his red furred brother, but maybe that was for the best.

He glanced toward the fresh kill pile, noting its fuller state compared to a few sunrises ago. "Prey’s been running better lately. Makes the days feel… less like we’re chasing nothing at all." His whiskers twitched faintly, the closest thing to a smile he’d had in a while.

"Looking forward to wading in the marsh when it gets warmer." He added after a moment, tone quieter, almost thoughtful. "It’s easier to track along the edges when the frogs start moving."

Even in the darkest shadows, there is always a glimmer of light. We just have to look for it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 🍀 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Clovershine paused for a moment, blinked once, then twice. Her thoughts were clear as always as Duskpaw spoke about not needing to chase after nothing and that it when her shoulders quivered with suppressed laughter. "Oh Duskpaw," she mewed, whiskers twitching with amusement after each word "Everyone is chasing something, weather you're able to see it or not, everyone might not chase the same goal but everyone has one."

She flicked her tail, not dismissively, but passing the conversation onto the next topic as smoothly as she could. "Oh yeah, the marsh is great for catching frogs when they're out and about" she cooed making a small yet dramatic nipping action in front of her as if she was catching one in her jaws.

"Quick and slippery but taste delightful, How about I take you out to look for some next time we get the chance? Who knows, maybe you'll be a warrior then." she offered, that radiant, gleaming smile of hers pasted over muzzle in a way that came natural to her. 

Tiptoe through the murk and mire
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Duskpaw’s whiskers twitched at her laugh, though he didn’t let his expression give much away. Duskpaw was rather guarded when it came to speaking to those in the clan which made it seem like he didn't have too many friends. His mentor sometimes teased the best out of him, but Clovershine managed sometimes too.

Her mock nip drew the faintest huff of amusement from him, his ear flicking like he was trying not to smile. "You just want me to do all the work while you eat the biggest one." He mewed, tone unmistakably dry.

Still, he didn’t argue with her offer. "Sure. Next time the frogs are out, we’ll see who’s faster." His gaze shifted to hers, steady for a moment before he looked away toward the camp entrance. Becoming a warrior couldn't come fast enough.