Ask to Join A Big Berry

Much to Aspenberry's dismay, she had removed herself from all patrolling duties, though was still keeping herself busy by hunting and keeping the camp in check. Not all that long ago the WindClan deputy had paid a visit Rowanglade, asking her if she could check that she was, in fact, pregnant and not just getting fat. The medicince cat had confirmed this, and while it was something Aspenberry had wanted, she was still in a little bit of shock. Her body was changing in ways that made her slightly uncomfortable, and she felt limited in what she could do. It was like she was trapped within her own body. She was on high alert too, constantly looking out for danger that was never around, and was paranoid about every little thing. She had kittens to protect, she had to be careful. She was yet to move into the nursery, but she guessed she had about a week left before her restless sleeps woke up the entire warriors den and someone would carefully suggest that she should move out. Beewhisker and Brightmaple were in there, but it felt so foreign, like she didn't belong in there. 

While her clanmates were out patrolling, the spotted molly let herself sleep within a sunny patch beside the nursery. She had been letting herself get to know all the kits in there well, so they wouldn't be as overwhelmed when it was her turn to move in. She laid on her side, belly upturned to the sky as she brushed away any temptation to go out and walk. She needed to rest, she would take good care of herself. For her babies, and her friends. 

She had been in a relatively deep sleep, so Bayflower's whisper into her ear came as a surprise. Normally she was alert, but it seemed as though carrying multiple kittens had sucked the energy from her more than she expected. At first, it didn't click that it was Bayflower, and her eyes opened to narrowed slits, as her ears pinned back slightly. She curled inwards, instinctively trying to protect her stomach before she focused and realised it was simply her good friend. 

'Oh uh, sorry. I guess I was too fast asleep to notice it was you.' She uncurled herself, and straightened herself out a little, trying not to be embarrassed at her unusual reaction. Normally she was fine when someone woke her up. For the past few days, Aspenberry had actually been slightly avoiding the black feline. She had something she wanted to tell them in person, but she could never bring herself to do it. Why couldn't they just... automatically know or something?? She slowly stood up, taking a long stretch. She noticed how her belly sagged a little lower than it normally would and cringed, smoothing the fur on her shoulder with a few brisk licks to brush it off. 'I'm just so tired lately, nothing I can't handle though.' Should she bring it up now? Or was that weird? She didn't really know. For now she would let Bayflower take control of the conversation. 

'No, yeah, I'm fine. Just got spooked for some reason' She muttered, brushing Bayflower's reaction away. She wasn't sure why she acted like that. She just felt... way more stressed that she usually was. Clearly Bayflower had caught onto her avoidance, not that it was a surprise for they were pretty in tune to her own feelings. Sometimes better than she herself was. 'No, no you haven't done anything wrong. I promise. I've just been feeling off, needed some quiet time. Perhaps its the affects of leafbare rubbing off on me.' It was a straight up lie, or at least the second part was. Bayflower of course hadn't done anything wrong.

She continued to fix up her pelt, her crooked tail hitting the ground lightly as she contemplated. She had told everyone except Bayflower, and she couldn't tell why it was so hard to tell him. He didn't even want kits, so it's not like she would feel bad for not picking them. (She's so dense that even her intuition is trying to tell her Bayflower likes her). 'No, I haven't been out much anymore. I'm itching to go out, but I feel better when I stay in camp. Come, walk with me.' She stood up now, walking around the outskirts of camp. Her gaze softened as she watched their clanmates in their day to day life, working together to create the place she calls home. She stopped when she reached the nursery, watching as one of the older kits tumbled out of the nursery. Inside she could see Beewhisker's kits sleeping with their dam. 'Do you think it's too crowded in there? What if someone else were to move in.' Was all she asked, her voice a little hollow.  

She listened as Bayflower replied to her hollow questions, gaze still fixated on the den. That would be her den soon, a den she wouldn't be able to escape for a long time. Silence lingered for a moment before she spoke up again, just saying one single sentence. 'I'll be moving in there soon.'

Silence ran through the air again, and whether Bayflower spoke or not, she didn't hear for the humming of her thoughts was indescribably loud. 'Cloudflare's. They are Cloudflare's.' A frown spread across her face. They weren't just Cloudflare's. But no one else knew that. Not even Cloudflare himself. Perhaps that was what pushed her so far from the nursery. The fact that she was lying to everyone, breaking the trust she had worked so hard to build. She turned away from the thick-walled den before walking in the complete opposite section, eyes closed as she contemplated all her choices in life. Everything felt so real now. More real, more true than it ever had and it was scary. She wasn't a kit anymore, not an apprentice, not a young warrior or a fresh deputy with a million paths to choose from. Her life was set out now, with one path to follow. She hadn't really felt like this before. 

Bayflower hit a sore spot without even realising it, and Aspenberry did her best to flatten any bristling fur, and to not snap at her friend. 'I don't see the point in having multiple sires. It messes with bloodlines more than it should. Plus, there isn't anyone else in WindClan I would have asked.' Aspenberry seemed a little absent right now. She wasn't really listening to Bayflower's rambling, more focused on her own thoughts and the cold spot that lingered on her cheek where Bayflower had pressed into it. 

'It's why I'm tired, and look fat. I confirmed with Rowanglade a few days ago. You were... the last of my friends and family I told.' She said with a shrug, before making her way over to the small clearing between the apprentice's and warriors den so that the nursery was out of sight. As much as she wanted to talk about anything else, it was all that was on her mind, so she may as well talk about it. 'Each day I wonder what they will look like, act like, be like. I hope they take after Cloudflare more than me.' Her tone was still flat. It's just the way she was at the moment, and nothing would really change that.

...

'It just makes more sense. Less complication and no jealousy if that were to be a thing. Plus... I want it to feel like my kits are apart of a family, raised by their mother and father. Rooknose was the best gift anyone could ever have given to me, and I want my kits to experience that too. You can help out too of course' Aspenberry said, her voice a little softer than it was earlier. She was a bit all over the place at the moment, feeling good one moment, then terrible the next. Some days she wished she was never born, and then others it felt like life was the most cherish-able thing.

'You went on a walk with my dad? Why?' She said, a breathy laugh escaping her as she imagined her awkward father doing his best to avoid doing anything with Bayflower, despite knowing how comfortable his daughter was with the feline. 'He didn't bore you to death talking about sticks did he? He has this weird passion for den building. I just don't get it' She giggled, oh how silly her father was, but that's what made her love him so much. She was honestly surprised he didn't just run away from the black feline. Clearly something made him stick around.