Private Thread Food for Company

There’s always something to do.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

Smallbird tentatively crept through the forest of Thunderclan, checking over her shoulder and regularly tasting the air. Guilt stirred lightly in her heart as she crossed the small thunderpath that split their land from the Treecut Place. Diving into the undergrowth on the other side, the gray tabby took a moment to collect herself, cleaning her fur smooth as her eyes scanned Thunderclan’s lands for movement. Once sure no one had followed her, and a quick glance at the sky to tell her that she needed to get a wriggle on, Smallbird turned away from her home, perked up her ears and relaxed her shoulders as she made her way carefully toward the meeting spot.

Since that first accidental encounter with the handsome loner, Fox, Smallbird had found herself irresistibly drawn to the fiery tom. She had planned, after last moon’s Gathering, that when she met him for the second time she would reaffirm the Warrior Code in her heart and say they couldn’t meet again. Yet, once she found herself in his company, the sense of belonging and relaxation which had caused her to agree to see him again, stopped all thoughts of never seeing him again. Life was easy and calm beside Fox. He opened her eyes to another way of living and made her own life more bearable. As such, she had agreed to meet him again, and again, and again. Part of the Thunderclan she-cat felt terrible that she no longer participated in her duties as thoroughly as she once did, but no cat had seemed to notice or care. A fact that only hardened her heart and made the decision to see the one cat who saw her and what she did all the more tempting.

As Smallbird padded through the unnaturally straight trees and thin underbrush, she considered the thoughts that plagued her mind whenever she thought of Fox. When she had first met him, she had considered that maybe he could father kits for her, helping her fulfill her duty to Thunderclan. As she had spoke with him more, however, she had found herself not wanting to have kits just to satisfy others. Fox helped her feel like she ought to do things for herself. If she were to have kits, it should be because she wanted them. Certainly, a part of Smallbird did want those kits, and she also still thought Fox would be the best cat to father strong, healthy kits that might just inherit a softness to their hearts that the clans lacked. For now, however, she found that just having someone to talk to, who heard her and liked her, eased her heart in a way that she had been unable to do by attempting to complete all of her duties to Thunderclan. Smallbird was enough for Fox, and that was becoming enough for her.

The smell of Fox strengthened as the gray tabby approached, and she purred warmly. The smell of rabbit blood surprised her but she supposed the tom had to eat too. A hint of jealousy flicked through her mind at the thought of him catching it with some other she-cat but she shook it off. Fox was more than skilled enough to catch a rabbit alone. Besides, he didn’t belong to her and was free to do as he pleased. ”Fox?” Smallbird purred as she pushed through the undergrowth into a small clearing where they had met before. She noticed the rabbit with surprise but assumed he must have caught it on his way to meet her. ”I hope I haven’t kept you waiting too long,” she mewed, tail twitching as she settled close to the large tom. Smallbird’s body seemed to utterly relax as she sank against the soil by Fox’s side. For truely, this was where she felt safest and most at home.

The world's too big to stay in one place.

∙∙•🦊•∙∙

The scent of Smallbird hit Fox before he saw her, and even the scent itself made him purr. Sure he had met other cats before and it was a pleasant experience, but none as unique, as... beautifully enticing as Smallbird's company. Part of him wondered if she felt the same way about his company or if he was just beating a dead bush chasing her. However... meeting her didn't feel like a chore or something he forced himself to do, it seemed to slowly become natural to him. Even if the two were going against her code to do it. He had told Smallbird that she didn't have to keep meeting him, but the look of joy on her face made everything worth it.

When her body pressed lightly against his side, he began defluffing the rabbit, a little too tedious for his large paws to keep up with, but so what if the rabbit was a little scratched up? It was still edible, and he was glad to share the prey with Smallbird, then again, a cat would just need to not try and rip out his throat to have his company. But none as special as Smallbird, never so special. "Birdie!" there was a trill that quickly moved to a paw in Fox's throat as he pressed his nose against the small she-cat's striped forehead, the purr vibrating through his chest. "I wasn't, I got here just as you did. Even if I was waiting though, I'd wait moons for you." his tone was light, but the sentiment held true. Smallbird he never typically hung around in the same places for very long, but Smallbird seemed to be changing that. Maybe the forest wasn't that bad after all.

"I caught this rabbit on the way. Had to fend off a weasel too... but those things are too bitter for someone so sweet." Fox reminded, his shoulder twitched, a small bruise was hidden under his fur from when the weasel tried to trip him over, but no bites or scrapes... thankfully. He glanced back at Smallbird with a softened but charming expression before nudging the rabbit closer to her. It seemed only fair that she got the first bite, after all, she was the one breaking her rules to be here with him. "Ladies first, Birdie." 

There’s always something to do.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

Smallbird watched as Fox began stripping fur off of the rabbit, maintaining her purr. These moments with the tom made her feel so wanted and accepted that the guilt of meeting with a cat outside of her clan, of not putting all of her effort toward the survival of her clan, simply melted away. The little nickname the tom had given the tabby she-cat made her heart sing and she grinned bashfully. ”I’m glad I didn’t make you wait,” she purred and pressed her own nose into the thick fur around his neck, relaxing further.

”A weasel!” Smallbird gasped in shock and stood up. The gray tabby instantly began nosing over Fox’s pelt, looking for injuries. ”You weren’t hurt were you? Even our bravest warriors are advised not to take weasels on alone.” Worry glittered in the she-cat’s eyes, although the lack of blood-scent had her standing back instead of still checking Fox over. His offer for her to take the first bite of rabbit went completely unnoticed, such was her concern for her one true friend.

”Maybe I should take you to Tigerrush just to make sure you’re okay…” she murmured, her worries and concerns about life without a Medicine Cat coming to the forefront of her mind. Thoughts of the brave tom succumbing to an unknown infection made her feel weak and queasy with fear, causing her legs to tremble with the effort of standing.

The world's too big to stay in one place.

∙∙•🦊•∙∙

"Yeah it was just-" Before Fox could explained what happened, Smallbird was moving his fur around like she was checking him for ticks. "Woah! Birdie, Birdie, Birdie! It's fine, I'm fine, the weasel was old. the most it did was clip a bit of fur from my chest and gave be a little bruise on my side. And to be honest, that bruise was mostly just me losing my footing from a dodge." Fox then gestured to his side with his tail "There, no swelling, no blood, just a little bruise, it'll fade in a little bit. I'm fine, Birdie."

Fox nudged the rabbit closer. "Here, eat." He stated again, however his ear flicked at the mention of another cat's name "Tigerrush, is that your medicine cat?" he asked, placing his tail onto Smallbird's shoulders, light but present enough to feel the meaning, he wanted to assure her that he was fine, that she didn't need to worry, because she didn't. He had been through worse in his younger moons and he was sure that he would be able to survive much worse afterwards. But he would for Smallbird.

Fox watched and waited for Smallbird to take a bite of the rabbit before speaking again, softer and back to his usual charming dememour. "The clans gathered all together at fourtrees again didn't they Birdie? Did you go?" he asked casually, attempting to draw the conversation back to something that focused more on Smallbird's life than his own.

There’s always something to do.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

Smallbird flattened her ears in embarrassment at Fox’s exclamations and reassurance. She wasn’t sure why she was so worried, but the idea of losing Fox’s company hurt her heart sharper than any claw had ever hurt her pelt. She calmed down as he reassured her but still couldn’t resist giving the bruise a tender inspection and a light lick before she settled down again. ”You really must be careful Fox,” she mewed quietly, staring at her paws. ”I know you say you know cats who could heal you if you were that badly hurt, but what if you can’t get to them? Would they hunt for you too? I… I just can’t…” the pretty she-cat trailed off for a moment before whispering to herself, ”... lose you.” She ducked her head lower, trying not to openly display the fear and concern that she felt.

When Fox nudged the rabbit her way and told her to eat, Smallbird straightened a little. ”Oh but I couldn’t,” she meowed sadly. ”I must hunt for the clan before I am allowed to eat and because I had border patrol this morning I didn’t wind up hunting yet.” The gray tabby’s stomach protested her refusal to accept the offer loudly, causing Smallbird to look thoroughly embarrassed. ”I… sorry,” she mewed quietly. ”And yes, Tigerrush is our medicine cat.” Smallbird was unsure of what more to say. She desperately wanted to eat the rabbit that Fox had caught and was offering, she was practically starving since she hadn’t eaten yet today, but how could she? Not for the first time since meeting the handsome tom, did the tabby she-cat feel frustration at the Warrior Code she was trained to follow. Why shouldn’t she eat now as long as she hunted for the clan too? It wasn’t like she had caught the rabbit to feed herself.

For a few heartbeats more, Smallbird fought an internal battle, one that hunger ultimately won. Tentatively, as though she expected to be attacked, the Thunderclan warrior crouched down and took a small bite of the rabbit. A purr of appreciation rumbled in her chest. Somehow it tasted more flavourful than any rabbit she had eaten in the past and no sooner had she finished her first mouthful than was she taking a second, larger bite. She nodded at Fox’s first question and finished her mouthful before replying to the second, ”I wasn’t invited to go last night.” Smallbird shrugged. ”Why I was sent on this morning’s border patrol, since I was one of the most rested.”

The world's too big to stay in one place.

∙∙•🦊•∙∙

Noticing Smallbird's worry softened Fox's posture and deepened his expression. He gave the small grey tabby a lick behind her ears as she chose to inspect him still. "Birdie, I've been alive for a while, I know how to survive out here. I'll be honest, I'm big, I'm bright, I'm only hidden from prey. But that doesn't mean I'm going anywhere." He watched Smallbird meekly reach forward for a bite, then return for another and a purr rose in his throat. "I had a smart cat to teach me, she lived a long time with a big kit strapped to her side. I've been doing well on my own. Fed, quenched, not bleeding. I'm alive Birdie. Nothing is more precious than life." he went on, shuffling a little closer to her and taking a bite of the rabbit, still leaving space for his companion to take her own.

"Tigerrush must be very skilled if she's the first cat you think of. If you think of taking a rogue into your camp just for her skills to be put to use on him. That's a brave thing to do, Birdie. Noble even." Fox replied when she spoke of Tigerrush, he hadn't the faintest idea what medicine cats really did aside from treat their clan cats, but he didn't assume, lest he offended his friend. So he moved as naturally as the conversation did.

Fox nodded at the notion she didn't go to have enough energy for dawn patrol this morning. "That's smart, leave the cats that did go a chance to rest so they're more attentive. Anything notable happen on the patrol?" he asked though if he was being honest, Smallbird could say 'I saw a pinecone' and he would be enamored by it. Anything she said held something deep and warm in his chest, he just wasn't sure exactly what it was yet.

There’s always something to do.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

”I really hope you don’t,” Smallbird murmured quietly. The idea of losing her one and only friend terrified her. Truthfully the gray tabby she-cat had little clue as to what she would do if Fox stopped wanting to meet her or became incapable of meeting her. He made clanlife more bearable, more tolerable. If Smallbird was really honest with herself, she would admit that she had a growing desire to leave the clan and stay by Fox’s side for the rest of her days. The only things stopping her from that was the fear of what would happen without the guidance of Starclan and a Medicine Cat, and the she-cat’s uncertainty on how her brothers would take her leaving. Spidertongue, she was sure, would hardly notice. The two had never been particularly close and since their apprenticeship they had had minimal cause to talk. Even so, she didn’t think he would be completely indifferent about if she left.

Greypebbles was more of Smallbird’s concern in the idea of leaving. As much as he seemed far more liked than she felt, especially since he actually had friendships within the clan, the gray tabby worried that he might be heartbroken if she left. Sure she was able to talk to Bravesong from time to time, but he was more of Greypebbles friend than hers. Fox was her only true friend. Smallbird only hoped that if she chose to follow where her heart was calling, that those friends of her brother’s would help him to cope without her.

”Still, I worry about you, Fox,” the Thunderclan warrior meowed gently. ”Even if you know what herbs you need to heal your injuries, you can’t collect them if you’re too severely injured. I know you’ve lasted this long, but I worry nonetheless.” Smallbird shuffled her paws self-consciously as she spoke. She didn’t often voice her deeper feelings like this due to fears of mockery, but today it felt necessary and she hoped that Fox would understand and accept her concern. ”And yes, Tigerrush is extremely knowledgeable in the ways of healing. In the clan, a Medicine Cat is chosen and trained by the current in an unending line. They have countless seasons of knowledge passed on to them in their training as well as the direct guidance of our ancestors.” The tabby she-cat couldn’t help the tone of pride that entered her voice as she spoke of Tigerrush and the Medicine Cats. She truly admired them and occasionally still lamented on her kithood wish to have been trained as a Medicine Cat. She knew, however, that she didn’t have the spiritual connection to Starclan that was needed to be a true Medicine Cat. She might have learned the herbs and remedies fine, but the ways of Starclan were beyond her understanding. It was part of why she considered leaving with Fox sometimes. Where every cat in the clans seemed to have a natural bond with Starclan, Smallbird felt distanced in a way she didn’t understand, nor could explain, and it pained her heart.

”Besides, you’re more than ‘just a rogue’ to me,” Smallbird added and looked directly at Fox with an intensity she rarely showed. ”You have done amazing things, kind things. I don’t think you’re a rogue. They care only for themselves, but you aren’t like that.” Realising she had been staring, the gray she-cat looked down at the rabbit, her pelt rippling self-consciously.

Smallbird’s ears perked up and she looked up at Fox before looking away in an embarrassed manner. ”To be honest, I didn’t really pay attention this morning,” she mewed quietly and tried to distract herself as her tail flicked to and fro. ”I uh…was too busy thinking about how I ummm… wanted the patrol over so that I could come and see you…” Smallbird looked firmly away from Fox as she said this and swiftly chose to take another bite of the rabbit to save herself from having to talk again straight away.

The world's too big to stay in one place.

∙∙•🦊•∙∙

As Smallbird fretted to him about her worries, Fox nodded, watching her with a kindness and empathy of a cat who may have had similar concerns as a younger age. His eyes softened as he lowered his body to meet her eyes "Nobody knows what happens in the future, we can't predict that." He stated softly, a little kinder and more genuine than his usual bold and charming disposition. He wanted to make Smallbird know how much he truly cared for her but he also wanted to be honest with her. "If I'm injured that badly, I don't have a medicine cat to take care of me, no. But with whatever happens, I trust that it will be in my best interest."

The ginger tom paused for a moment, curling his tail around his companion, shuffling closer to her to close any distance, to let her know that he was there and he was present, he wanted her to know he was fine. "I know some odds are stacked against me, but I trust the ones that are in my favor. I may not have this StarClan you have so much trust in, but I have faith that what I've learned and done over the moons I've been alive would keep me from getting in a situation like that. If I've got anything to say about it, you won't be alone, even if there's a whole forest between us." 

Fox's ears perked at Smallbird's confession and his expression brightened slightly. "I'm happy I've made that sort of impression on you. If it means anything, I love spending this time with you. I'd hope, in the future, that all this," He gestured at the both of them with a white paw, giving her a soft smile. "This thing with do, us, will continue as strong as ever. You've changed my perspective on things, Birdie. I've never met a clan cat that takes the time to do that." he echoed before leaning in, rasping his tongue over Smallbird's cheek a few times as a deep purr rumbled from the deepest part of his throat.

"Y'know," he began the tip of the plume twitching lightly "I didn't always live out here, I wasn't always the rugged cat you see before you. I lived in the paws of twolegs once." He meowed, he remembered very little about his kithood days, but remembered that he had been moved from his home to live out here. "I could have gone back, I would have been safer. But I didn't, I'm glad I didn't." He whispered, glancing off into the distance for just a moment before his eyes drifted to his paws. "I wouldn't have seen even half of the things I did if I was cooped up in a twoleg den, and... I wouldn't have met you. You're one of my favourite things, Birdie. The days we plan to meet up with one another? I count the days like a kit waiting for their first day of hunting. You've brought out another side of me, Birdie. I can't thank you enough for it."

There’s always something to do.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

”Well Starclan knows,” Smallbird couldn’t help but mutter. ”But you’re right that no living cat knows the future, and that’s exactly why I worry so much Fox. Everything is so uncertain and it would just…” the she-cat paused hesitantly then added more vulnerably, ”break my heart if you died.” Smallbird looked pleadingly at the larger tom, hoping he would understand the depth of her care. To understand just how much he meant to her. She had never felt like she belonged anywhere before and had always assumed that it was some fault or flaw on her part that had made this so. Meeting Fox had changed that, however. He had been the one to show her that she was acceptable exactly as she was. He made the gray tabby feel like she belonged somewhere. That she belonged with him.

As Fox moved in closer, Smallbird couldn’t help but lean into his fur. The warmth and smell of him relaxed her, but the idea of losing him forever because no one was watching out for him, made her heart keen. ”I don’t doubt your intelligence or skill,” the little she-cat meowed quietly. ”I simply worry about the times where no amount of skill or intelligence can help a cat escape serious harm. Fate has a way of getting around our defenses and it is that that I fear for you. You’re my only friend Fox and I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you because I genuinely love our time together too. I even wish I didn’t have to be so cautious about meeting you. What’s so wrong in having a friend outside of one’s clan?” Misery rose in the tabby’s chest and she crouched down further, twisting her head to bury her face into Fox’s long fur. Why was life so difficult? Why did fate decree that she had to hide her only friendship, or risk losing her way of life?

Smallbird’s ears perked up as Fox spoke about a time where he had lived with twolegs, although she kept her face buried in his fur. After a few moments of silence in which the Thunderclan warrior’s thoughts raced through her mind, she finally pulled back enough so that she could look up at Fox’s handsome face. ”Is there really so much to see and do beyond the confines of the forest?” she meowed gently, watching the tom’s face to read his reactions. ”And…if you wait for me like that, like I wait for you… does… does that mean…” the gray tabby paused and swallowed thickly, scared to voice the words in her heart. It had been barely a moon since she had met this cat, but it felt like she had known him most of her life. Yet she still feared what she wished to say. ”I… ummm… nevermind.” The courage hope in Fox’s words had stirred, settled silently and anxiety once more entered Smallbird’s heart and mind. There was no way she could leave her clan and be with him. He would grow bored of her in a moon or two and then she would have nowhere to go. It was better to stay with the clan and continue to meet him like this. Maybe, if in a season or so, he still seemed interested, she would go with him. Smallbird stared unseeingly at the partially eaten rabbit, her heart not satisfied with her mind’s decision.

The world's too big to stay in one place.

∙∙•🦊•∙∙

Fox listened to Smallbird, really listened as if he was hanging on to every word she spoke. It hurt his heart to know that she felt this way about his situation, that she was so concerned for him that the brief conception that she could be without him meant the end to her. It made him ache, but on the contrary is stirred something in him that he hadn't really felt before, so he wasn't sure how to give the feeling a name. Whatever it was, he felt it for Smallbird and only Smallbird.

When she nuzzled herself into his fur, Fox gave her a few soft but long licks between her ears, allowing whatever helped her do so as easily as it could. "I know it would." He admitted, he didn't really like to think about dying, but it was a fact of life, he knew that, Carnelian had told him so many moons ago and it stuck with him. "Same goes if you died, Birdie." Fox added as a whisper in her ear. "The day after I met you, I couldn't make myself stop smiling when I thought of you, and what we caught together, the thing we said, the plans we made, we followed through." He reminised, keeping is voice at a kind whisper, but it settled softly in his throat as a purr rose to match it. 

"You've made changes to my life in this past moon that no other cat ever has. You see the truths of life for what they are, and you worry so much that it hurts you. But, Birdie, I love you for that." He spoke, nuzzling his nose into her cheek to keep the contact between them "You care so deeply for me and other cats, I never want that to change. Whenever you feel this way, I just want to lay with you, to listen to you talk, to make you feel better." he added, there were so many things he wanted to say, but the words never came to him, his heart was thumping too loudly and quickly that he just couldn't think, but he didn't hate that feeling, it felt new and beautiful. That feeling was attached to Smallbird and he loved her just as much.

"You're allowed to fear for me, you're supposed to fear for those you care about. It shows how much you care. I love you for you, Birdie." Fox paused to look at Smallbird really look at her, she confided in him she chose to do that for him instead of going to another cat, she chose him. That meant more to him than anything else. "I'd never ask you to stop worrying, but I want you to know that it's fine if you do. Because you have that right, and it's reasonable. I just want you to know I'm here for you now. We've got each others' backs, that's what matters."

There’s always something to do.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

Slowly Smallbird relaxed somewhat as the affection from Fox calmed her heart. Worry and fear still mingled with her concerns about what could one day be, but for now she tried to take comfort in what currently was. A smile lit the tabby’s face as the large tom talked fondly about how he felt about her. It baffled Smallbird, in a way, to think that someone might think affectionately of her that wasn’t related to her. It wasn’t something she had experienced before, but she enjoyed it and had no desire to let the feeling go.

The Thunderclan warrior blinked in surprise as Fox declared that he loved her. Love wasn’t a completely foreign concept but it was beyond what she thought Fox felt for her. Smallbird blinked a couple of times, her mind racing about what it could mean for her. If he loved her, truly loved her, then that would mean he would do everything he could to look out for her. Did she feel the same way about him? Doubt didn’t enter the gray tabby’s mind when the answer yes came, but concern did. How could she ever uphold that promise that love made? To look out for Fox, to protect and care for him no matter what came to pass. More disturbingly, however, was the realisation that her desires to do exactly that for Fox, did not exist for her clan. Sure, Smallbird would dutifully do as she must to care for her clan, but there was no desire to do everything she could. Did she really not love her clan like she was taught that she was supposed to?

Smallbird opened her mouth and closed it again. Paused and then looked around before returning her amber gaze back to the tom beside her. “I fear that I feel the same way,” she meowed quietly. “I fear it only because it has made me realise that I do not feel the same about my clan. A clan cat is supposed to love their clan, to desire to protect and care for their clan. I do not feel that way about my clan. Maybe I do for my brother, Greypebbles, but he has others to care for him. Better than I can. Yet…” the small she-cat trailed off for a moment.

After another pause, Smallbird looked intently at Fox, willing him to understand. “I love you, Fox. I love you and would do anything for you. I am scared. Scared because I don’t know how to uphold this promise to care for and protect you to the best of my abilities. I wish Thunderclan wasn’t so territorial. That the Warrior Code allowed us to make and keep friends from other lifestyles. But I will do what I can to make it work.” Embarrassed and nervous about Fox’s reaction, the gray tabby looked away and stared once more at the rabbit. Guilt from having eaten some when she ought to have hunted for the clan first had melted away completely. It was wrong, she knew, but her heart and loyalty did not lie with them. It lay with Fox, and one day she was going to find a way for him to join her, or for herself to join him.

The world's too big to stay in one place.

∙∙•🦊•∙∙

A warmth rose in his fur and held in his cheeks and nose as Smallbird returned the feeling, but the worry in his eyes kept him from letting go. She spoke about her fear of not being able to protect him, how she feels like she couldn't because of how her clan operated, Fox didn't flinch as he continued his affectionate expressions, pulling Smallbird closer to him with his tail and pressing his nose against her ear. He didn't want her to feel like she was expected to protect him, he knew she worried for him and knew she would try anyway, but he wanted to say something first.

"A mother loves her kits, but she doesn't expect them to protect her while they're suckling." He began, giving the grey tabby she-cat a few soft and gentle licks over her ears and between them, an ever-present affection he wanted to convey. "It isn't about constant protection, at least not the way I see it." Fox added, taking a glance up at the sky for a moment, wondering if this 'StarClan' Smallbird had shared before would be watching over them. After all, Fox saw stars too. "Love and trust go paw in paw, I'm not saying you can't protect me if you feel it's necessary, I'm just saying you don't have to. To love someone is to trust that they have your best interests at heart, to communicate things to one another, to be honest and hold that trust deep within and keep it dear." He paused, remembering how Carnelian had told him about a tom, Vulture, who she gave her trust to, her love. It went with him to his grave, and in some ways Fox thought that they would meet again, love bringing them back together.

"But if means something different to everyone, if you'd ask another cat, they might say something different. But what I feel, the urge to be by your side, the idea of a future together, the warmth in my chest when I see you, Birdie. That's how I see love." Fox went on, glancing at Smallbird with soft lime colored eyes as he took a nip of the rabbit. "It comes in so many different ways, but I know this one is what I'd like to feel for a long time." He leaned in softly onto the ThunderClan she-cat, not enough to push, but enough to feel present and warm. "And even if we're apart, the warmth of the love we feel for one another could keep us warm. Even in the chill of leaf-bare." He declared before rasping his tongue across Smallbird's cheek.

Fox paused, his eyes fixed on Smallbird with a kind, warm, loving expression full of affection. "Whatever you choose to do with this situation, wherever this goes, I'll always be here to talk with you. And if I'm not, I should hope I'll keep your heart warm." he added, letting Smallbird push back on the affectionate leaning if she desired such a thing. "You're not alone, Birdie. I'll do everything in my power to keep that promise."

There’s always something to do.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

Smallbird blinked at Fox’s words. He was right, and yet she felt so helpless and small. She felt like a newborn kit but without the blissful ignorance that came before they opened their eyes. “I trust you, Fox,” the gray tabby mewed quietly. “I don’t trust the dangers of the world we live in.” She leaned deeper into the tom’s fur, trying to relax. Trust wasn’t easy, but nothing ever seemed to be. Everything Smallbird had ever wanted always seemed to be just beyond paw’s reach. This time though, she was determined to have something she wanted. She wanted a quiet life with Fox, without responsibility to a clan who seemed to not see her or care about her beyond her usefulness. Yet, her brothers were there too and she worried about leaving them.

Smallbird rumbled a genuine purr at Fox’s description of love and nodded in agreement. “I don’t want to imagine being without you, at least not for long,” she meowed quietly. ”It hurts when I have to leave you. Clanlife annoys me now. The way they want us to complete our duties but there is no reward. We’re told the knowledge of looking after each other should be reward enough, but I don’t feel looked after really. Sure, when I get a thorn in my paw or some other silly injury, I know I can see our medicine cat and have no worries about the injury being a real problem. But it doesn’t feel anywhere near as calming or satisfying as being by your side.”

The Thunderclan she-cat desperately hoped that she hadn’t over-spoke. She didn’t want Fox to feel obligated to have her around. Nor did she want him to feel that she was completely miserable in her clan. It was more that she just was, and she was no longer satisfied with that. ”I mean, I’m alright… I just wish I was with you without having to feel bad,” Smallbird added with a little shrug. She wasn’t sure what else more to say. Maybe she didn’t need to say more, but she was so used to having to ask for attention that the idea of simply sitting quietly and that being okay hadn’t settled peacefully yet.