Closed Thread Coming to Terms

Nose and ears twitching, Hickorystorm both heard and smelled Hollyclaw approaching with freshkill in her jaws. There was a soft plop on thr ground as if something had been dropped nearby. As much as he didn't feel like eating, his stomach did give a soft growl so he leaned forward a little to sniff and see what had been dropped.

As he heard his sister mew to him, his ears lifted and he realized he must have looked hungry. Shifting his weight, feeling a little embarrassed at having been caught, he replied a little sheepishly. "A little, I guess, yeah." Maybe if he had some company, that might boost his appetite a little, but he didn't want to make his sister think she had to eat with him. "Wanna join me for a bite before your next assignment?"

Hickorystorm tried not to show his disappointment when she said she'd eat later, but it was fleeting and he almost gave a purr when she said she could 'make sure he ate'. "Some company would be nice." The chocolate tabby tom admitted, almost sheepishly.

Company would be appreciated at the moment, if only to keep his dark thoughts away. Staying in the sick den, he saw the medicine cat every day as his wounds were checked and cleaned and medicines given. He did see Hawkfeather at least once a day as she checked on how her kit was healing, and both Dawnflurry and Palestar made sure to check up on him regularly.

"The sparrow that you just dropped smelled good." He admitted, trying to find the small body with his whiskers. He was quietly for a several long heartbeats before asking, uncharacteristically hesitant. "Hollyclaw? Are you ashamed of me for losing to that hawk? Do you think Hawkfeather is?" Another long moment. "Do you think the whole Clan is?"

Hickorystorm's ears flattened for a moment at his sister's initial outburst. He was uncertain of how to interpret the surprise in Hollyclaw's tone without seeing her body language that went with it. Had she flattened her ears at him or fluffed up her fur? Was her tail twitching? If he still had his eyes, they would be looking avoiding looking at her, but as he no longer had them, it just seemed like he sat there patiently waiting for her to continue. 

He shifted his forepaws lightly as she mentioned how he was being weird but he couldn't deny the truth of her words. He felt weird anymore and it was with a bit of surprise at Hollyclaw's words that he remembered that Hawkfeather had been attacked by a hawk not long ago as well. The fact that she still believed in him, made him want to shy away from her but he didn't. He listened still and nodded, her whiskers giving the slightest twitch in satisfaction. At least the stupid hawk had paid for it's attack and fed the clan it had attacked.

"I just feel so useless now." The chocolate tabby tom replied softly, trying to sound casual although the tapping end of his tail betrayed the agitation he felt inside. He hated that feeling and as much as he hated it, he also hated admitting it aloud. "Before that hawk attack, I could do almost anything. I was bringing freshkill back almost every time I left camp. Now, it's like...... I still kinda have a mental image in my head at what the camp looks like, but I bump into so many things trying to make my way to the dirt place." He felt kinda sheepish at this last admission before becoming a tad bitter. "If I got battle scars, I had wanted to get them from fighting the other clans and showing how strong and brave I was. Instead, I got them from being surprised by a stupid hawk and now I get to be the youngest elder the clan ever knew. I don't...." His voice trailed away before he sighed and hung his head. "I'm an elder but I haven't even had the chance to earn the title and the right to be one."

Even though he turned his head as if he were looking at her, even if he couldn't actually see her, his mind's eye could and it soothed him to smell his sister nearby. His head lifted as he listened to Hollyclaw and his ears perked at her words. Perhaps he had been pitiful and feeling useless, but she was right. It didn't change what happened. He might be a young elder, but maybe if he did work at it, he could learn his way around again. Maybe he could either find new ways to help his clanmates or perhaps learn to do some tasks differently. 

After she had finished speaking, he sat quietly for several long moments before mewing. "Thanks Hollyclaw. You might not be Dawnflurry, but what you said really does help. And thanks for listening to me. I hate how this has changed me, but you're right and I can't pretend it didn't." 

Twitching his whiskers, he felt for his sister's form and reached over to offer a lick of thanks and gratitude, even if it was a clumsy attempt and he felt a little uneasy doing so. He wanted to show his appreciation but he wasn't very good at showing affection. "I'm not dead yet! Maybe I can still make something of myself if I work at it." He gave a soft snort of self-deprecating humor. "Guess I should consider myself an apprentice again while I learn to do it all over, eh?"